I Look Back

"Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts." Psalm 145:4 MSG

Wow, it has been a crazy, busy, scary, exhausting roller-coaster of ride these past eleven months. I am working on gaining strength and endurance, but do find that I get tired and have to manage how I am feeling so that I don't wear out to quickly.

I found a lump in my armpit the other day and contacted my doctor. I will admit I was a little freaked out about it. My oncologist sent me to my surgeon to have an ultrasound. It turns out that it was a hair follicle that is infected. Prior to getting in with the doctor I heard a song by: Elevation Worship; "I Will Look Up" the lyrics struck a chord. (http://youtu.be/tEQnoE7SnZw)

"All the worries of this world, I will lay them at your feet

Surrender every anxious thought, For perfect peace...

Oh the loved ones I hold dear, All my hopes and dreams and all my fears

I will choose to trust your name, In everything...

I will look up for there is none above you, I will bow down to tell you that I need you

Jesus, Lord of all...

I will take you at your word, Jesus you have taken hold of me

All my life is in your hands, You're my strength...

I will look back and see that you are faithful, I look ahead believing you are able

Jesus, Lord of all...

Prince of Peace, Perfect Healer

All my life, all my cares on you

King of Kings, Mighty Savior

All my life, all my cares on you...

Prince of Peace

Perfect Healer

All my life, all my cares on you

King of Kings

Mighty Savior

All my life, all my cares on you..."

As I went to the doctor I had so many thoughts and feelings going on. I was hoping and praying it wouldn't be cancer. I thought about having to do chemo and lose my hair again and how exhausting the whole process would be again. So I chose to look back and recount the faithfulness of God. I also thought about the future and knew that no matter what the outcome that he would be faithful. He cares for me! I will tell the stories of his mighty, faithful acts! 

My prayer for you that as you journey through life and whatever struggles you may have that when at the lowest point or highest peak you would be able to pause for a moment to reflect on the faithfulness of God and realize that He will see you through the next thing you face. I have learned to trust God and I laugh at the hard stuff because I know He will see me through! He will see you through too!

Strong Enough?

"He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength" Isaiah 40:29 AMP

"My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." 

2 Corinthians 12:9 MSG

I feel that I have been pretty transparent about what I have been going through, how I feel and such. I have been feeling pretty good and well on the road to recovery. 

My hair is long enough that I just got a trim with scissors instead of electric clippers! I am able to have my nails done and I am feeling a little more "normal".

About four weeks ago I started getting headaches. They asked a ton of questions and I even had an MRI. One of the nurses where I worked asked me if I was stressed out. I said I didn't think so. She said that I have been through a lot these past eight months and have been so strong that my body could be trying to catch up. I started to think about this. I spoke to my nurse practitioner and she said that certain personality types get their diagnosis and just start down the path and don't look back or think twice, but then when it's all said and done it hits them like a brick. I think I've been hit by a brick! Two thousand thirteen was a year of great highs and great lows. From my dad passing away and my battle with cancer to celebrating twenty years with the best husband and traveling to South Africa. There were a lot of other things that were packed into last year as well. 

I have been through a lot, but not as much as some. When I feel down I tell myself it could be worse, or that there are others in the midst of the battle. I have tried to maintain my personality, work ethic, my faith, and my family as if everything is okay and that it's all good. Well guess what? It's not all good. Life is hard and I am sick of people telling me my hair is cute when it's not a style choice for me, it's in the cards I was dealt. Even though I haven't had to go through what others have gone through I did go through a lot and I'm tired. I hate having to take a nap just so I can go out or get dinner ready or whatever. I get frustrated that my stamina is low, that I get fatigued and that no matter what I try I can't lose weight. My kids have said that I am the strongest person they know and I don't want them to think any different. The fact of the matter is that I'm not strong. Even though I have my faith, my family and such I am not strong enough to carry this burden alone. 

This song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West really describes how I feel.

You must

You must think I'm strong

To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me

Forgive me if I'm wrong

But this looks like more than I can do

On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be

everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

For the both of us

Well, maybe

Maybe that's the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally

Finally at rock bottom

Well, that's when I start looking up

And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken

Down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God

and you are strong

When I am weak

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough...

My prayer for you is that no matter what you are going through that you will realize that you don't have to do it alone and that you don't have to be strong the whole time. God is the strength of our life and our portion. We won't see his strength in being strong, but in our weakness. Find someone you can talk to! I am thankful for my best friend Edie for allowing me to be vulnerable and seeing me through in my highest and lowest points. She prays for me, checks on me and cares about my physical and emotional well being!

Forty!

"For forty years I led you..." 

Deuteronomy 29:5a NLT

During my cancer journey I had my big fortieth birthday. I know quite a few people that have had a hard time with this particular birthday. My father-in-law was diagnosed with diabetes around his fortieth. I know others that have had their marriages end, endured a mid-life crisis, or faced other major, life-changing events.

Honestly, I wasn't approaching the big 4-0 with much enthusiasm anyway, and then I got cancer and had to have chemo right before my birthday. Really?! So then, to top it all off, I was bald on my birthday! It could only get better, right? 

Now, five months later, I find myself thinking, "I just want to get my life back. I want to look and feel good." But it's not that simple. It's hard to accept that everything has changed.

Then, I started thinking about Jesus and His journey. I realized that He never got his life back. When He stepped out of heaven to join us on earth, His life changed forever. Once here, He gave it all. He never even celebrated his fortieth birthday. But His sacrifice and resurrection brought about a new normal that was all about new life. When He stepped out of the tomb, things again changed forever ... forever for the better. He made a way for all those He loved to spend eternity with Him. He completed His journey of identifying with us in all our pain and sorrow, so that we could know He truly understands what we are going through and He knows how to triumph over it. "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world," John 16:33b.

Surgery. Chemo. These things are their own death and resurrection. Through a process of death, new life comes to my body. They have brought me into a new normal, but it can be a "forever better" normal. If we come through any trial walking hand-in-hand with Jesus, He will bring us out the other side into new life. That's what He does!

As we approach Easter, I want to remember that this life is not my own, just as Jesus' life was not His own, but He gave His life for the salvation of many. He has led me this far and He died so that I could live! By His stripes, I am healed.
This is all good news!

My prayer for you, is that you would pause for a moment--in the midst of whatever you are going through--and realize what Jesus went through so that you don't have to do this life alone. He loves you so very much.

He is with us! Happy Easter. Happy Resurrection Day!

By: Beki Beane

And Erica Faraone

Redeemed? Say So!

"Let the redeemed of the Lord say so," Psalm 107:2a ESV 

I also like this translation ... 

"Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!" Psalms 107:2a NLT

The dictionary defines redeemed as follows:
"to buy or pay off, to recover, to exchange, to convert, to discharge or fulfill,
to make up for; make amends for; offset, to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, to deliver from sin and its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner."

On some coupons the verbiage reads "redemption code". I have been pondering these words and have come to the conclusion that I am not the coupon, but Christ is the coupon. Jesus gave His life (the coupon) in order to purchase us from sin. The coupon has a redemption code (the blood of Jesus) and it's not a discount coupon. It's a "no exclusions", "paid in full" coupon! When Jesus died on the cross, it was for you and me. His blood was the atonement ("satisfaction for any wrong doing") for sin.

I had the privilege of talking to a cancer patient who is also a believer. Her fight with cancer started with breast cancer, two separate times, then a bout with spots on her liver and now some in her head. She is so positive and believes that God will heal her. But I left that conversation a little shaken. I told my friend that the lady was so positive and inspiring, but made me think about my health and wonder where I will be in a year or two past my battle with breast cancer. My friend told me that I shouldn't think like that. Honestly, I had a hard time with the whole thing. I am human, so how can I not think about the possibility of cancer returning? Or how life will turn out or ... whatever else? That's when the word "redeemed" kept coming to mind.

I don't need to worry about tomorrow, or next year or cancer or finances or anything else. I have a life saving coupon! Because of Christ, I am redeemed and I need to "speak out", and "say so"! We all have troubles in this life, but we need to focus on Jesus and not our problems. Some of our problems may not ever be resolved this side of heaven, but how can we lead others to Christ if we're moping around about our troubles?

My prayer for you, is that no matter what you are facing that you would allow Christ to redeem you. Let Him have all of you. He has already done the hard work. I'm thankful that Jesus paid it all. I am thankful for the life He has given me and I pray that you can find contentment with what you're facing and be a light to others. If you allow God to shine through your troubles (burdens,) you will find that they are easier to  carry. Perhaps because you are not actually carrying them at all.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Iced or Hot?

“I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, ‘I’m rich, I’ve got it made, I need nothing from anyone,’ oblivious that in fact you’re a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless." Revelation 3:15-17 MSG

I like to get coffee at a drive-thru coffee stand. We know most of the workers by name. I usually get a sugar-free white chocolate Americano.  What changes is the temperature. I like to get them iced, hot and blended (like a shake.)
What I don't like is if it's supposed to be iced and it's not quite cold enough. Then you have to find ice to make it colder. I also don't like if it's a hot drink and by the time you get home it's warm. Yuck! I will put in the microwave for a few minutes to get it hot again.

Well, when it comes to things of the Lord, I want to be HOT! I want to be part of things that are moving, shaking and doing great things for the cause of Christ. After everything I have gone through, good, bad or indifferent, I owe this life to Him. I don't want to sit around and do the same things with the same people and not show others to the feet of Jesus.

If you are cold or not serving the Lord, you can stay the same and that is your choice. At least by being cold, you have made a decision to not pursue the things of God. Of course, that decision comes with other consequences, but that would be a topic for a different post.

If you are lukewarm, that is not a good place to be. This can look like a lot of things. Perhaps you know right from wrong, you have seen the goodness of God, but you are not really walking according to His principles. Lukewarm is an easy state to slip into and I get that. The joke was funny, so we laugh, even though it was wrong. The movie was hilarious. Inappropriate, but hilarious. Being lukewarm starts with compromise. The after awhile, you just end up hanging out there because its easy. You don't want to discount God or be cold, but you don't want to actively be hot either because it takes work. The Bible says that this is this is pitiful.

My prayer for you is that wherever you are in life, hot, cold or lukewarm, that you would make a solid decision. My desire and God's as well, is for you to be HOT! Be in the Word, get in a church that is moving forward and surround yourself with people that are in the Word, moving forward and HOT as well.

One Million Dollars

“What’s the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right?...You’re worth more than a million canaries." 

Matthew 10:29a & 31b MSG

Not quite one million dollars, but by the time I am all done, the cost of all my treatments, surgery, doctors appointments, and medications will reach around a half million dollars! This is a lot of money and I am so thankful that we have good insurance. This floors me. I would never spend that kind of money on myself. When I shop, I buy for everyone else first. The two things I like to do for myself is getting my nails and my hair done. As of now, I can't do either! My nails are in the process of falling off because of chemo, and my hair is only about a half inch long. Basically, I am a cheap date right now!

To buy a canary at a local pet store would be about $140.00. Now I don't consider that loose change, but in comparison to other things we might spend money on, that's not a lot of money. God says we are worth MORE than a million canaries (that's $140,000,000.00)!

We are worth far more than we can imagine. He loves us and wants the very best for us. We need to value ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us.

My prayer for you is that no matter what you have thought about yourself or what people may have thought of you or even called you, that you would begin to see yourself as God sees you! You are worth far more than you can imagine!

Order Number 5!

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way." Psalms 37:23 NKJV

Do you ever feel you are stuck in the great long line of life, waiting for your number to be called? Do you ever feel like you are just one of a million puzzle pieces in the hand of God, waiting for your piece to be put down to actually make something? Do you ever wonder if you have messed up the chance to be used by God? Maybe you have moved your own puzzle piece into the spilled coffee and now you have a soggy corner. Now what?

“I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go." Isaiah 48:17 MSG

If we can learn anything from the Bible, we should learn from the Israelites, God's chosen people. At times they were a bunch of knuckleheads just doing their own thing. When they actually listened to the Lord, He always came through and directed them where they should go. At times, they seemed like a bunch of numbers! Thousands of them wandering for 40 days and nights, but God did have a plan for them! From their lineage the Messiah would come. From their mistakes we would see God's grace and continued favor.

During these past few months, I have felt like a number. "Please be seated." I was then called by my legal name. "Have a seat in room 2", "Chair 8", etc. This is a soggy puzzle piece that I would like to exchange for the important corner piece. When I think of everything I have been through and I honestly assess my life and the last seven months, I can say I have seen the goodness of the Lord. My steps are ordered. Even though this cancer experience felt like a soggy puzzle piece, I can still be used by the Lord to complete His plan. Without all the pieces, the puzzle is not whole. He needs me to do what He set out for me to do, and He needs you too!

My prayer for you is that however you feel about your piece of the puzzle, you realize you are a part of God's master plan. If you are living in sin (of any kind,) stop it! God's desire is for you to live right! Why? When we follow the steps He has ordered for us, we have peace and contentment. We may run across things that don't seem fair or look bleak, but when we come out the other side of it, we see God was by our side the whole time. Then we can point others to Him and see that our piece has a purpose.