Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Strong Enough?

"He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength" Isaiah 40:29 AMP

"My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." 
2 Corinthians 12:9 MSG

I feel that I have been pretty transparent about what I have been going through, how I feel and such. I have been feeling pretty good and well on the road to recovery. 
My hair is long enough that I just got a trim with scissors instead of electric clippers! I am able to have my nails done and I am feeling a little more "normal".

About four weeks ago I started getting headaches. They asked a ton of questions and I even had an MRI. One of the nurses where I worked asked me if I was stressed out. I said I didn't think so. She said that I have been through a lot these past eight months and have been so strong that my body could be trying to catch up. I started to think about this. I spoke to my nurse practitioner and she said that certain personality types get their diagnosis and just start down the path and don't look back or think twice, but then when it's all said and done it hits them like a brick. I think I've been hit by a brick! Two thousand thirteen was a year of great highs and great lows. From my dad passing away and my battle with cancer to celebrating twenty years with the best husband and traveling to South Africa. There were a lot of other things that were packed into last year as well. 

I have been through a lot, but not as much as some. When I feel down I tell myself it could be worse, or that there are others in the midst of the battle. I have tried to maintain my personality, work ethic, my faith, and my family as if everything is okay and that it's all good. Well guess what? It's not all good. Life is hard and I am sick of people telling me my hair is cute when it's not a style choice for me, it's in the cards I was dealt. Even though I haven't had to go through what others have gone through I did go through a lot and I'm tired. I hate having to take a nap just so I can go out or get dinner ready or whatever. I get frustrated that my stamina is low, that I get fatigued and that no matter what I try I can't lose weight. My kids have said that I am the strongest person they know and I don't want them to think any different. The fact of the matter is that I'm not strong. Even though I have my faith, my family and such I am not strong enough to carry this burden alone. 

This song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West really describes how I feel.

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough...

My prayer for you is that no matter what you are going through that you will realize that you don't have to do it alone and that you don't have to be strong the whole time. God is the strength of our life and our portion. We won't see his strength in being strong, but in our weakness. Find someone you can talk to! I am thankful for my best friend Edie for allowing me to be vulnerable and seeing me through in my highest and lowest points. She prays for me, checks on me and cares about my physical and emotional well being!

Traditions - Change?