Perfect Peace

And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison (equip) and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 AMP)

This is the kind of peace I had the day of surgery! I had no fear, no anxiety, just peace. I'm thankful that I had people all over praying for me. From California to New Hampshire, to South Africa and so on. My soul was assured by the mere fact that God is always faithful! He's never failed.

I have a road of healing ahead of me, but I know he will equip me for my journey. I'm looking forward to seeing what God'splan is for this journey I'm on.

For now I'm sore, but grateful. Weak, but strong. My heart and my mind are good!

Thanks for reading I hope that my journey will inspire you to live with abandon.

Through The Valley...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4 ESV)

It's a valley. It's a shadow of death. It's death to a disease. It's death to how I look today. It's a valley of suffering, and recovery. 

I fear no evil! I fear no harm! God will guide the surgeons and his mighty hand will protect me. His gentle hand will comfort me. This is what he promises!

Out of the valley brings me out of the shadows of dispair and into the land of healing and recovery. 

I'm walking through this not hanging out anywhere too long!

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

Take This Cup. Actually Take Both Cups

Matthew 26:39 NLT

He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” 

This verse came to mind after my first of two pre-ops.

It's amazing the people that have crossed my path, the doctors that I have. I'm am very grateful! 

I have a lot of emotions going on as to be expected and am looking forward to this being behind me. 

People are amazed that I have a positive attitude and that I'm able to laugh. I'm not surprised at all as it is the core of who I am and because of who's I am!

No matter what you face in life Christ is the answer! 

Anxious for everything

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Matthew 6:27 NLT

The answer is no! 

I am a believer, I've seen God move, provide, be faithful and even heal. I've also seen others go through trials, deaths in their family, sickness, etc.

God is the same and he never promises a life without these things, what he has promised is to be there for us through all of this. 

My heart and my mind are pretty good with everything, but honestly I'm struggling with anxiety. Oh and did I mention my stomach? It's a wreck!

Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made and right now mine is in fight or flight mode. It sets up defenses because of the unknown. 

It doesn't mean I don't trust God. 

I love the song by Building 429 "We Won't Be Shaken" it talks about trusting in God and not being moved by circumstance. My stomach may be irritated, I may get a flutter of anxiousness here and there, BUT I will trust God and I will not be moved!

Philippians 4:6, 7 MSG

Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

Analogy

WARNING: the following in no way is meant that cancer or any other illness is sin. This is just an apology that came to me and I thought I would share!

When I first discovered that I had cancer in just the right breast I was given the option to save the breast by have having a lumpectomy and get radiation. Because of my age, the type of cancer, other watch spots, etc. my husband and I were already considering bi-lateral mastectomy with reconstruction.

I got some flack from some well-meaning people that told me I needed to save my breast. I got to thinking ... "It's just fatty tissue, it's just a boob."

I then had the following thought. If we have sin in our lives we can cut out the little sin and have "radiation"

Or therapy. The other thing that can happen is to cut the sin out of your life and be reconstructed in Christ.

Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG

Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Abreast of the situation...

"Abreast: equal to or alongside in progress,attainment, or awareness (usuallyfollowed by of or with ): to keepabreast of scientific developments;keeping abreast with the times." Dictionary.com

Sometimes it takes me by surprise when people ask how I'm feeling. I feel the same. I'm currently not on any medication nor am I going through any current treatment. The first thing I have is my surgery.

At this point depending on pathology I may not have to have chemo or radiation. I know that everyone's journey is different  and cancer comes on all different shapes, sizes and stages.

I'm not trying to make light of anyone's situation I just use humor to get by. It's my coping mechanism. 

God is faithful and I want to be a vessel to help others in their journeys whatever they may be.

...and They will be OFF!

After discovering that there is cancer in both breast I will have a bi-lateral mastectomy at the end of September along with reconstruction.

The cancer is small, it has been caught early, it is slow-growing, but aggressive. The concern is my age that I have probably had this a while which would put me in my mid 30's when it started to grow.

One measures less than a 1/2 inch and the other is .075 cm. There are already other areas on both breasts that will be watch spots so they are gone!

I am an extremist, but I am not doing this to be extreme! I believe that this is in the best interest of my health, my future and my family.

I am not sure why I am on this journey, but God knows, He cares and I know that He will bring me through and my testimony, my sense of humor and my journey will be used for his glory!

I've had a few lil' melt-downs (I am human), but I choose to look at the glass half full and find the humor in things that may bring others to tears.

I will fight
I will be strong
I will not be shaken - Building 429 song that I love!
I will serve the Lord
and
I will have new boobs for my 40th birthday!

Ohana

I don't deal with things like most people.
I am not overcome by fear.
I take the bull by the horns and go!

After the diagnosis and the brief cry I wiped my tears and Shauna asked if I had any questions and I said "Yes, What's Next?"

I also got a tattoo on Sunday (7/28)! I've been wanting the word Ohana for a long time, just didn't know how I wanted it to look. It clicked on Saturday (7/27) I would use the "h" as a breast cancer ribbon.

Ohana, means family in Hawaiian! I love my family, I love Hawaii and I love the character Stitch from "Lilo & Stitch"! It fit so I did it!

My family has been everything to me, when friends are few and far between or in other states I know I can count on my family and that is a huge blessing for which I am so grateful for!

From here I will have appointments with a surgeon, plastic surgeon an MRI and another biopsy in the left breast which reveals more cancer.

40,000 Mile Check-Up

I've been joking a lot about the fact that I will be 40 this year.

We've had some milestones this year and I'm thankful for all of them!

Jan 6th my dad passed away and just knowing that he is safe and in good health now is a relief!
Jan 30th we celebrated our 20th anniversary!
Mar 15th our son turned 18!
Mar 31 - Apr 14 the boys went to France & Paris and the girls went to S. Africa!
Jun 7 our son graduated highschool!

Still to come:
College, daughter turns 17, birthdays and holidays!

I got a bug bite in July near my right breast. The bite healed and as I scratched off the last bit of skin I noticed a little bump beneath the skin. I mentioned it to my husband a my friend who is a nurse. Shortly after that I scheduled an appointment at a Breast Center for Women.

I had my first mammogram n the middle of July on a Friday (7/19).

Side note...they smoosh you in this machine and then tell you to stand still as if your going to go out to lunch or something! You have my boob with 500 pounds of pressure I'm not going anywhere!

They called me on Monday (7/22) and wanted to take more pictures (apparently I didn't smile) and so off I went. After the pictures they said I needed to stay and get an ultrasound. Did you know that everything looks like a baby? After the ultrasound they told me I needed a biopsy and I thought wow this is escalating quickly... Biopsy on Wednesday (7/24) and then the call from the doctor on Friday (7/26).

By the way I haven't been to the doctor in years, but in order to get test results you have to have one! So I went onto the hospitals website, looked at women's health professionals, female, English-speaking and choose the lady (Shauna ARNP) that looked nice!

Shauna called me in on Friday, gave me the news that I have cancer, hugged me and let me know that it's not a death sentence and that she is a survivor! She is also a believer!

I've decided by now if this is how 40 welcomes new comers I'm out!