Monday, December 23, 2013

Chemo ... All I NEVER wanted for Christmas

"Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]," James1:17 AMP.

Well, this has been quite the ride! From diagnosis to surgery was two months to the day. Five weeks later was chemo treatment number one of four. Three weeks, then second chemo. I celebrated my 40th birthday, which was exactly two months after my surgery! Then came Thanksgiving, third chemo, and now it's Christmas! Whew!

As a kid growing up, I always had things I needed or wanted for Christmas. I can't think of anything I want or need this year. I don't have everything, but I'm content! I have an amazing family--husband, kids, brother, parents, and in-laws! I have a roof over my head, food to eat, friends, transportation, and the list goes on. Gifts from above!

The greatest gift I have is Jesus! He has been the best Friend I could ever ask for and a Dad when I needed Him most. He is my Provider, Comforter, Healer, and my ever present Help!

I would never wish cancer or chemo upon anyone. This last one wiped me out for a week (the one right before Christmas.) It's exhausting, but without it, disease could've had the opportunity to spread and if it wasn't caught, next Christmas could've been so different. I'm thankful that Jesus never changes and that there is no shadow, just light coming from Him.

My prayer for you this Christmas, is that you would allow Christ's light to shine in and through you; that you would know and understand His endless love for you. Wherever you are or whatever you are going through, stop for a minute and receive the greatest gift of all, Jesus!

If you would like to pray and receive Christ, just sincerely turn to God in this moment and say something like this:

"Dear Jesus, thank you for coming to earth as a baby. Thank you for growing up and dying on the cross for my sins. I admit I am a sinner and I need you to save me. I ask for your forgiveness and I receive it right now. Please wash away all my sins and make me clean. Please take over my life today. I'm giving it to you. I believe you are the Son of God, Jesus and that you rose from the dead. Thank you for the power of your Life that is now in me. Please come and live in my heart and fill me with your Spirit. Thank you, Lord, because I know you hear me and that I am changed from this moment on. Amen."

Click on this link for new believer resources and the answer to, "What to do now?": http://is.gd/DaiK2k

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Pull Over the Struggle Bus

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." Romans 5:3 NLT

Oh man, this third chemo is reeking havoc on my body. I haven't felt as well this time and it's super frustrating. I think I caught a little something as well. I'm so done with all this, except I have one last treatment on January 2nd. I just want off this bus.

I have learned a lot about cancer, treatments, nurses, friendship and more. In the midst of this, I have rejoiced with other people's good news and been there for their struggles. I have learned to endure. My adventure has not been in vain and although I wish it were over, I wouldn't trade the people I've met, the things I've learned, and the hope that I have for anything. "And this hope will not lead to disappointment." Romans 5:5 a NLT

I'm struggling right now as Christmas is upon us, my daughter's basketball season is in full swing, my son is home from college, and I still have work, etc. I want to feel great and keep on keeping on. I hate having to slow down.

For all of you that have asked how I'm doing and I say good and then you ask how I'm really doing, I have been telling you the truth. Honestly, up till now, I've been good, and now I've hit a small speed bump, but it's just a bump.

My prayer for you is that as you go speeding along life's road that you would take hold of the trials, develop endurance and take hold of hope! A life with Christ still has disappointments, BUT it is not disappointing!

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Blessed Assurance

"For we live by believing and not by seeing." 2 Corinthians 5:7 NLT

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 NLT

This reminds me of a hymn we used to sing in church.
Written by: Fanny Crosby in 1873

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
 Praising my Savior all the day long."

This is honestly the only thing we actually have. I had cancer in both breasts, and in one of four lymph nodes on the left side. I believe the cancer is all gone and the primary reason I am doing chemo is for re-assurance that if I had any other cancer in any other cells this chemo regimen I'm on will take care of it.

I went to my pre-chemo checkup and I asked the nurse practitioner if I would need any scans or blood tests to see if I had any other cancer or if I was cancer free. The good news is that my cancer was caught early, the bad news is that I don't qualify for scans. And blood tests would only reveal blood counts that may or may not be indications that something is wrong. I looked at her and said, "You are not giving me any warm fuzzies."

I can't see inside my body and I can't see what lies ahead nor can I see God. But I have faith. I've seen God at work, seen marriages restored, seen the sick healed, and I've seen youth come to the Lord. I believe, I have confidence, and assurance in the One who knows me, my story, and my body better than anyone.

My prayer for you, is as you walk through life that you would learn to dig deep. Get past your past; look in those dark spots and see where God was there and has been there all along. People remark about how strong and brave I've been. Well, I myself have had to dig deep, face things and make decisions. I've had some anxiety prior to surgery, but I've never been fearful because He is faithful!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 NIV

As a child, you reach up and hold your parent's hand. Then you grow up and reach across to hold your spouse's hand. Next, you reach down to hold your own child's hand.

During this process, I have had so many people come alongside me and hold my hand. Usually not physically holding my hand, but definitely joining me in this journey. 

My brother who lives in California sent me a text one day, "I'm reaching out my hand to hold yours. I love you!" My best friend, also in California, has been texting me on a regular basis to check on me. She sends me treats and even stayed in the hospital with me! My best friend here in Washington has come with me to every four-hour chemo treatment. My husband has hugged me, held me, shaved my head, cooked, cleaned, and has just been so amazing!

The rest of my family has also been amazing. My mother-in-law has been my chauffeur for months, which has been great. The daily chats have been awesome. Our church family has prayed and been so supportive as well!

I see people that come for treatment by themselves, and may not have a support system or it may not be good support. I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful support system and that really helps. Above all, I have a faithful Father who takes hold of my right hand and says, "Do not fear; I will help you."

My prayer for you, is that as you go through life's ups and downs, that you would take the hand of the One who formed them. He's always there and He wants to walk through all of it with you. So amazing that if we ever feel alone we can know there is a strong Hand holding ours.

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving 101

"Thank God ! He deserves your thanks. His love never quits." 
Psalm 136:1 MSG

Whatever situation you find yourself in remember there is always someone that is in a more difficult place. Some things are life choices, other things happen because that's part of life. 
People tend to blame God when they get in the rough spots of life, but He is the only one that promises to stick by us through it all! His love never quits! 
I'm having some more side effects with this second round of chemo. My legs hurt, had a few bloody nose episodes, etc., but I have side effects because I'm alive! God will restore me and revive me! 
Holidays can be tough for a lot of people. Some have lost family members this time of year, some don't speak to family, some are sick, and the list goes on. Just hang on!
My prayer for you is that whatever you face today, during the holidays or any other day is that you would hold on to Jesus! His love never quits and He deserves all of our thanks! 

Monday, November 25, 2013

Rock Star!

"And now I’m going to tell you who you are, really are. You are Peter, a rock. This is the rock on which I will put together my church, a church so expansive with energy that not even the gates of hell will be able to keep it out." Matthew 16:18 MSG
Peter didn't start out like this. In fact, a lot of the time you can find him being less than stellar. I'm sure he tried Jesus' patience as well.
I can relate to Peter. I would get out of the boat even if no one else would. I would ask who, what, when, why, where? I also want to be the one who God looks at and says, "Rock. I will build on you because I know you can handle it."
While going through chemo, I told the Lord that I would love to be a rock star on this journey! If I could feel great and give God the glory, it would be a win, win!  It doesn't always work like that.
Sometimes I don't feel well and it's hard for me to be vulnerable and let others know I'm not feeling all that well. I've decided though, that it's not about how I feel, but how I handle myself. I can feel crummy, but handle others with care. That is being a rock.
My prayer for you is that as you journey through life, you will rely on the rock of your salvation to help you be a rock during and through your trials. If you let Him, God will use you and build on you.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Hair Today ... Gone Tomorrow

"Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God."
1 Peter 3:3, 4 NLT
Well, I won't have any fancy hair to worry about! I'm not saying that we as women shouldn't look nice and the Bible isn't either. I believe that it shouldn't be such a huge part of our lives that we forget that we are beautiful! We are God's handiwork! When we focus on the inside, we will naturally radiate beauty on the outside! I love to do my hair, nails and makeup. I also like to dress as nice as possible and when I do all these things, especially if I'm not feeling well, I do feel better about myself! In the same way, when we encourage our brothers and sisters in Christ, have a gentle or forgiving spirit towards others and show grace and mercy, we will sense God's grace upon our lives! People will notice that you look and feel happy. You will feel better about yourself and even in your trial, people will see Jesus through you!
My prayer for you is as you read these words that you won't get caught up in legalism about what you should or shouldn't wear, but that you would ask the Lord to clothe you with grace, mercy, kindness, empathy, etc. Hold your head high for you are a child of the king!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Infuse This!

"But you shall receive power (ability, efficiency, and might) when the Holy Spirit has come upon you." Acts 1:8a ~ AMP

While undergoing chemo, they draw blood and run tests to check your platelets, white and red blood cell counts, iron, etc. They discovered I was low on iron. My main iron level was at 19 and should be between 50 and 150. They explained that this has probably been a problem for a while, but I haven't had labs done in a while. This, however, could explain the fact that I'm always cold and tired.

We need our body to produce and maintain certain levels in order to have power and strength to do life. Since my iron was so low I had to have an infusion. I started to feel better the very next day.

In the same way, we need the Holy Spirit in our lives to give us the power to live right. I love the Amplified version for how it states that power is also ability, efficiency and might!

The dictionary defines these three words as follows:

Ability: "Power or capacity to do or act physically, mentally, legally, morally, financially, etc."
Efficiency: "Accomplishment of or ability to accomplish a job with a minimum expenditure of time and effort."
Might: "Superior power or strength; force."

Take a look at what this means on a spiritual level...we need the Holy Spirit in our lives like iron to function fully and completely! We won't die without it, but we can't live at our full capacity without it either!

My prayer for you is that as you venture through life, you will see and understand that we need the Holy Spirit alive and active in our lives so that no matter what we are going through we will have the power we need to accomplish what the Lord has set out for us. I'm thankful that I received iron for my physical body and I am so thankful for the Holy Spirit in my life during this whole process. He is the strength of my life.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Side Effects May Include ...

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5 NIV

I had an appointment yesterday that taught me all about chemo. Some of what I heard, I translate like this:

Side effects may include dry mouth, mouth sores, dry eyes, bloody urine or stool, nausea, diarrhea, constipation, lack of appetite and in rare cases, other cancers.

I sent this to my friend who is a chemo nurse supervisor and she replied, "Ha!!!  I know. But lucky for you, it does not include oily discharge."

This made me laugh! As I thought more about the possible side effects I am facing, my mind turned to Jesus. We are His "side effects." In fact, we caused His side to be pierced. Everything He went through, He did for us! Without us, He was the blameless, spotless Lamb Of God.

It's been a journey these past five weeks, but I know I can do anything when I hold on to Jesus!

My prayer for you is that as you go through life you would look to Jesus. You may not know why you are on your particular journey; and you may have been on your journey a long time without any answers. Know this:  If you can face your journey with a positive attitude, people will see Jesus through you and your struggle.

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Bracelet From Molly

"Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
1 Timothy 4:12 NLT

Molly is in the sixth grade and attends the same church that we do. She is sweet, has the face of an angel and a smile that can light the room. Molly's mom messaged me one day and said "Molly would like to know, what is your favorite color?" I told her that I really like blue, but under my new circumstances, I am trying to embrace pink. A few days passed and I got a picture message of a blue and pink embroidery bracelet and then a text that stated Molly made one for me, herself and her mom. Molly and her mom were using them as prayer bracelets, a reminder to pray for me! About three weeks after my surgery, Molly's mom gave me my bracelet. I wear it every day! It reminds me that someone is praying for me.

Abby is a two-year old born to our family friends. Together they pray for me every night. My friend sent me a video of little Abby praying for me.

It's wonderful (and a little overwhelming!) to have so many dear people praying for me. And as I go to prayer for my own situation as well as for the needs of my friends, sometimes I don't know what exactly to pray for or what to say. When that happens, this song comes to mind.

Artist: 7eventh Time Down
Song: "Just Say Jesus"

"When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're afraid to pray
Just say Jesus
Whisper it now or shout it out
However it comes out
He hears your cry
Out of nowhere He will come
You got to believe in it
He will rescue you
Just call out to the way
The truth, the life"

This is just a portion of the song, but rings so true. (Hear the song-official lyric video http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=84LSLk3hfD4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D84LSLk3hfD4.)

God knows what's on our hearts and minds before we even say it. When we verbalize those things, that's when we build relationship with Him. Prayer is powerful!

My prayer for you is that whether you are two or ninety-two, that you can take your joys, sorrows, requests and worries to Jesus. Remember, if you don't get the answer you think you are looking for or the answer you want, don't stop praying. Go back and see what God has for you in this season. God didn't take the cancer away from me, but He allowed me to walk through this journey and has held my hand the whole time.

Monday, October 21, 2013

I Didn't Lose Anything!

"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!" Romans 8:15-17 MSG

I've had people tell me that I need to grieve who I was prior to my diagnosis. 
I will never underestimate the fact that this might be an issue for some, but it doesn't ring true for me.
I have not changed. I was diagnosed with a disease. My faith has not wavered, I'm not mad at God. I still love to laugh, etc.  It was not a death sentence and even if so, I know God is faithful.

I've also had people tell me to grieve the loss of my breasts. Again, I mean no harm if this is something you've struggled with. But, this kind of made me laugh because I didn't lose them, leave them somewhere, or lock them in a car; they were surgically removed to save my life! 

When I started this whole process, it was with good belief that I would not need chemo or radiation, so finding out that I now am facing a twelve-week process with four doses of chemo was difficult. It took me a moment to figure out why it upset me so, and I figured out it was because I hadn't really faced the disease itself. I faced the surgery like someone may face a gallbladder or appendicitis procedure, I go in they remove the problem and-boom-done! Chemo made it real to me that I had a disease. The disease has been removed, but I need to follow through to make sure it's nowhere else in my body. 

What I'm about to lose is my hair! In preparation for this I cut eleven inches off and donated it. My hair will began falling out right around my 40th birthday and Thanksgiving, but hey I'm alive! I have an unbelievable inheritance in Christ and He's with me in good times and hard times.

My prayer is that whatever you are facing--the good, the bad or otherwise that you will look to Jesus. He sees. He cares. Don't blame God if you're facing adversity. Ask Him to hold your hand. Ask Him what He might want you to learn or who He wants you to minister to in the process. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Instead, dig deep and be confident of Whose you are!

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Let It Rain!

“This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty." Matthew 5:45 MSG

Lately I've heard people saying that things shouldn't happen to them. Family members death, illness, hospitalization, financial hardship, etc. 
These are good people! Some serving The Lord others not so much, but still nice, good people. 

The verse above came to mind that it rains on the just and the unjust. The sun in the same way shines on all of us! 

I grew up going to Sunday school and my favorite teachers were the Bovee's! They are now both in heaven. I'm sure Mr. Bovee is singing the same song he used to sing at church! 
"His Eye Is on the Sparrow" 
by: Civilla D. Martin. 
I love the part in the song that says "I know he's watches me".

I'm struggling on this health journey. The cancer is gone, but my treatment is just about to begin. I didn't do or not do something to "deserve" this. I just want to serve and honor Jesus through this. 
Some people have said to me "your so strong"...my response is Jesus! 

My prayer for those reading this is that no matter what you are going through it's not a punishment, it's a journey. Embrace it along with the Father's hand and you (and me) will get through it! We may never know the "whys", but we need to trust The Lord!

Thursday, October 10, 2013

It's Not About The Baked Potato

The Monday after my diagnosis I wasn't feeling well due to having anxiety over everything that had happened in the past week leading up to being diagnosed.

A baked potato sounded good and so we went to a fast food place that would satisfy my taste buds and let the family have other options. 
We go to order and I asked for a plain baked potato with sour cream and butter on the side and a diet drink. The young gentlemen behind the counter said they were out of potatoes. I proceeded to start walking backwards waiving my hand and stating "you NEVER have baked potatoes, this is stupid, and you should take it off your menu!"

I went and sat down and my poor husband who was still standing at the register in front of the guy I yelled at ask if I wanted anything so I ended up with a small fry and diet drink. My in-laws were joining us for dinner and my mother-in-law sat at the end of the table and stated well I guess I'm having a salad since they don't have baked potatoes! 

The food and the rest of the family arrived at the table and I started to cry. I was trying to hold it together and with one hand I'm eating my fries and the other I'm holding my bottom eyelids up to fight back the over flowing amount of tears. Our teenage children are speechless and my husband of twenty years held me and rubbed my shoulder and said "it's okay they don't have baked potatoes, and I know it's not about the baked potato."

Up until this point I had only briefly cried in the doctors office when told I had breast cancer. I used the original statement as a springboard to ask "what do I do next?" I hadn't stop to really process things just jumping through hoops to get to who and where I needed to go. 

Everyone processes things differently and sometimes during that process our emotions get caught up with us. It's okay!

In Colossians 3:15a AMP it states "And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds."

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Perfect Peace

And God's peace [shall be yours, that tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and being content with its earthly lot of whatever sort that is, that peace] which transcends all understanding shall garrison (equip) and mount guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7 AMP)

This is the kind of peace I had the day of surgery! I had no fear, no anxiety, just peace. I'm thankful that I had people all over praying for me. From California to New Hampshire, to South Africa and so on. My soul was assured by the mere fact that God is always faithful! He's never failed.

I have a road of healing ahead of me, but I know he will equip me for my journey. I'm looking forward to seeing what God'splan is for this journey I'm on.

For now I'm sore, but grateful. Weak, but strong. My heart and my mind are good!

Thanks for reading I hope that my journey will inspire you to live with abandon.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Through The Valley...

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4 ESV)

It's a valley. It's a shadow of death. It's death to a disease. It's death to how I look today. It's a valley of suffering, and recovery. 

I fear no evil! I fear no harm! God will guide the surgeons and his mighty hand will protect me. His gentle hand will comfort me. This is what he promises!

Out of the valley brings me out of the shadows of dispair and into the land of healing and recovery. 

I'm walking through this not hanging out anywhere too long!

Thank you for all your prayers and support!

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Take This Cup. Actually Take Both Cups

Matthew 26:39 NLT
He went on a little farther and bowed with his face to the ground, praying, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” 

This verse came to mind after my first of two pre-ops.

It's amazing the people that have crossed my path, the doctors that I have. I'm am very grateful! 

I have a lot of emotions going on as to be expected and am looking forward to this being behind me. 

People are amazed that I have a positive attitude and that I'm able to laugh. I'm not surprised at all as it is the core of who I am and because of who's I am!

No matter what you face in life Christ is the answer! 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Anxious for everything

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Matthew 6:27 NLT

The answer is no! 

I am a believer, I've seen God move, provide, be faithful and even heal. I've also seen others go through trials, deaths in their family, sickness, etc.
God is the same and he never promises a life without these things, what he has promised is to be there for us through all of this. 

My heart and my mind are pretty good with everything, but honestly I'm struggling with anxiety. Oh and did I mention my stomach? It's a wreck!

Our bodies are fearfully and wonderfully made and right now mine is in fight or flight mode. It sets up defenses because of the unknown. 

It doesn't mean I don't trust God. 

I love the song by Building 429 "We Won't Be Shaken" it talks about trusting in God and not being moved by circumstance. My stomach may be irritated, I may get a flutter of anxiousness here and there, BUT I will trust God and I will not be moved!

Philippians 4:6, 7 MSG
Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.


Monday, September 9, 2013

Analogy

WARNING: the following in no way is meant that cancer or any other illness is sin. This is just an apology that came to me and I thought I would share!

When I first discovered that I had cancer in just the right breast I was given the option to save the breast by have having a lumpectomy and get radiation. Because of my age, the type of cancer, other watch spots, etc. my husband and I were already considering bi-lateral mastectomy with reconstruction.
I got some flack from some well-meaning people that told me I needed to save my breast. I got to thinking ... "It's just fatty tissue, it's just a boob."
I then had the following thought. If we have sin in our lives we can cut out the little sin and have "radiation"
Or therapy. The other thing that can happen is to cut the sin out of your life and be reconstructed in Christ.

Hebrews 12:1-3 MSG
Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we’d better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he’s there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

Friday, September 6, 2013

Abreast of the situation...

"Abreast: equal to or alongside in progress,attainment, or awareness (usuallyfollowed by of or with ): to keepabreast of scientific developments;keeping abreast with the times." Dictionary.com

Sometimes it takes me by surprise when people ask how I'm feeling. I feel the same. I'm currently not on any medication nor am I going through any current treatment. The first thing I have is my surgery.
At this point depending on pathology I may not have to have chemo or radiation. I know that everyone's journey is different  and cancer comes on all different shapes, sizes and stages.
I'm not trying to make light of anyone's situation I just use humor to get by. It's my coping mechanism. 
God is faithful and I want to be a vessel to help others in their journeys whatever they may be.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

...and They will be OFF!

After discovering that there is cancer in both breast I will have a bi-lateral mastectomy at the end of September along with reconstruction.

The cancer is small, it has been caught early, it is slow-growing, but aggressive. The concern is my age that I have probably had this a while which would put me in my mid 30's when it started to grow.

One measures less than a 1/2 inch and the other is .075 cm. There are already other areas on both breasts that will be watch spots so they are gone!

I am an extremist, but I am not doing this to be extreme! I believe that this is in the best interest of my health, my future and my family.

I am not sure why I am on this journey, but God knows, He cares and I know that He will bring me through and my testimony, my sense of humor and my journey will be used for his glory!

I've had a few lil' melt-downs (I am human), but I choose to look at the glass half full and find the humor in things that may bring others to tears.

I will fight
I will be strong
I will not be shaken - Building 429 song that I love!
I will serve the Lord
and
I will have new boobs for my 40th birthday!

Ohana

I don't deal with things like most people.
I am not overcome by fear.
I take the bull by the horns and go!

After the diagnosis and the brief cry I wiped my tears and Shauna asked if I had any questions and I said "Yes, What's Next?"

I also got a tattoo on Sunday (7/28)! I've been wanting the word Ohana for a long time, just didn't know how I wanted it to look. It clicked on Saturday (7/27) I would use the "h" as a breast cancer ribbon.

Ohana, means family in Hawaiian! I love my family, I love Hawaii and I love the character Stitch from "Lilo & Stitch"! It fit so I did it!

My family has been everything to me, when friends are few and far between or in other states I know I can count on my family and that is a huge blessing for which I am so grateful for!

From here I will have appointments with a surgeon, plastic surgeon an MRI and another biopsy in the left breast which reveals more cancer.


40,000 Mile Check-Up

I've been joking a lot about the fact that I will be 40 this year.

We've had some milestones this year and I'm thankful for all of them!

Jan 6th my dad passed away and just knowing that he is safe and in good health now is a relief!
Jan 30th we celebrated our 20th anniversary!
Mar 15th our son turned 18!
Mar 31 - Apr 14 the boys went to France & Paris and the girls went to S. Africa!
Jun 7 our son graduated highschool!

Still to come:
College, daughter turns 17, birthdays and holidays!

I got a bug bite in July near my right breast. The bite healed and as I scratched off the last bit of skin I noticed a little bump beneath the skin. I mentioned it to my husband a my friend who is a nurse. Shortly after that I scheduled an appointment at a Breast Center for Women.

I had my first mammogram n the middle of July on a Friday (7/19).

Side note...they smoosh you in this machine and then tell you to stand still as if your going to go out to lunch or something! You have my boob with 500 pounds of pressure I'm not going anywhere!

They called me on Monday (7/22) and wanted to take more pictures (apparently I didn't smile) and so off I went. After the pictures they said I needed to stay and get an ultrasound. Did you know that everything looks like a baby? After the ultrasound they told me I needed a biopsy and I thought wow this is escalating quickly... Biopsy on Wednesday (7/24) and then the call from the doctor on Friday (7/26).

By the way I haven't been to the doctor in years, but in order to get test results you have to have one! So I went onto the hospitals website, looked at women's health professionals, female, English-speaking and choose the lady (Shauna ARNP) that looked nice!

Shauna called me in on Friday, gave me the news that I have cancer, hugged me and let me know that it's not a death sentence and that she is a survivor! She is also a believer!

I've decided by now if this is how 40 welcomes new comers I'm out!



Traditions - Change?