The Monday after my diagnosis I wasn't feeling well due to having anxiety over everything that had happened in the past week leading up to being diagnosed.
A baked potato sounded good and so we went to a fast food place that would satisfy my taste buds and let the family have other options.
We go to order and I asked for a plain baked potato with sour cream and butter on the side and a diet drink. The young gentlemen behind the counter said they were out of potatoes. I proceeded to start walking backwards waiving my hand and stating "you NEVER have baked potatoes, this is stupid, and you should take it off your menu!"
I went and sat down and my poor husband who was still standing at the register in front of the guy I yelled at ask if I wanted anything so I ended up with a small fry and diet drink. My in-laws were joining us for dinner and my mother-in-law sat at the end of the table and stated well I guess I'm having a salad since they don't have baked potatoes!
The food and the rest of the family arrived at the table and I started to cry. I was trying to hold it together and with one hand I'm eating my fries and the other I'm holding my bottom eyelids up to fight back the over flowing amount of tears. Our teenage children are speechless and my husband of twenty years held me and rubbed my shoulder and said "it's okay they don't have baked potatoes, and I know it's not about the baked potato."
Up until this point I had only briefly cried in the doctors office when told I had breast cancer. I used the original statement as a springboard to ask "what do I do next?" I hadn't stop to really process things just jumping through hoops to get to who and where I needed to go.
Everyone processes things differently and sometimes during that process our emotions get caught up with us. It's okay!
In Colossians 3:15a AMP it states "And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds."
Becky,
ReplyDeleteYour words are powerful, and I can feel what your struggles were and my heart is aching right this moment. Even though I haven't been through what you have been through, I understand your hurts completely. Just want to let you know how much I admire you!
Tracy