Chemo ... All I NEVER wanted for Christmas

"Every good gift and every perfect (free, large, full) gift is from above; it comes down from the Father of all [that gives] light, in [the shining of] Whom there can be no variation [rising or setting] or shadow cast by His turning [as in an eclipse]," James1:17 AMP.

Well, this has been quite the ride! From diagnosis to surgery was two months to the day. Five weeks later was chemo treatment number one of four. Three weeks, then second chemo. I celebrated my 40th birthday, which was exactly two months after my surgery! Then came Thanksgiving, third chemo, and now it's Christmas! Whew!

As a kid growing up, I always had things I needed or wanted for Christmas. I can't think of anything I want or need this year. I don't have everything, but I'm content! I have an amazing family--husband, kids, brother, parents, and in-laws! I have a roof over my head, food to eat, friends, transportation, and the list goes on. Gifts from above!

The greatest gift I have is Jesus! He has been the best Friend I could ever ask for and a Dad when I needed Him most. He is my Provider, Comforter, Healer, and my ever present Help!

I would never wish cancer or chemo upon anyone. This last one wiped me out for a week (the one right before Christmas.) It's exhausting, but without it, disease could've had the opportunity to spread and if it wasn't caught, next Christmas could've been so different. I'm thankful that Jesus never changes and that there is no shadow, just light coming from Him.

My prayer for you this Christmas, is that you would allow Christ's light to shine in and through you; that you would know and understand His endless love for you. Wherever you are or whatever you are going through, stop for a minute and receive the greatest gift of all, Jesus!

If you would like to pray and receive Christ, just sincerely turn to God in this moment and say something like this:

"Dear Jesus, thank you for coming to earth as a baby. Thank you for growing up and dying on the cross for my sins. I admit I am a sinner and I need you to save me. I ask for your forgiveness and I receive it right now. Please wash away all my sins and make me clean. Please take over my life today. I'm giving it to you. I believe you are the Son of God, Jesus and that you rose from the dead. Thank you for the power of your Life that is now in me. Please come and live in my heart and fill me with your Spirit. Thank you, Lord, because I know you hear me and that I am changed from this moment on. Amen."

Click on this link for new believer resources and the answer to, "What to do now?": http://is.gd/DaiK2k

Pull Over the Struggle Bus

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance." Romans 5:3 NLT

Oh man, this third chemo is reeking havoc on my body. I haven't felt as well this time and it's super frustrating. I think I caught a little something as well. I'm so done with all this, except I have one last treatment on January 2nd. I just want off this bus.

I have learned a lot about cancer, treatments, nurses, friendship and more. In the midst of this, I have rejoiced with other people's good news and been there for their struggles. I have learned to endure. My adventure has not been in vain and although I wish it were over, I wouldn't trade the people I've met, the things I've learned, and the hope that I have for anything. "And this hope will not lead to disappointment." Romans 5:5 a NLT

I'm struggling right now as Christmas is upon us, my daughter's basketball season is in full swing, my son is home from college, and I still have work, etc. I want to feel great and keep on keeping on. I hate having to slow down.

For all of you that have asked how I'm doing and I say good and then you ask how I'm really doing, I have been telling you the truth. Honestly, up till now, I've been good, and now I've hit a small speed bump, but it's just a bump.

My prayer for you is that as you go speeding along life's road that you would take hold of the trials, develop endurance and take hold of hope! A life with Christ still has disappointments, BUT it is not disappointing!

Blessed Assurance

"For we live by believing and not by seeing." 2 Corinthians 5:7 NLT

"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see." Hebrews 11:1 NLT

This reminds me of a hymn we used to sing in church.
Written by: Fanny Crosby in 1873

"Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine;
Oh, what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.
This is my story, this is my song,
Praising my Savior all the day long.
This is my story, this is my song,
 Praising my Savior all the day long."

This is honestly the only thing we actually have. I had cancer in both breasts, and in one of four lymph nodes on the left side. I believe the cancer is all gone and the primary reason I am doing chemo is for re-assurance that if I had any other cancer in any other cells this chemo regimen I'm on will take care of it.

I went to my pre-chemo checkup and I asked the nurse practitioner if I would need any scans or blood tests to see if I had any other cancer or if I was cancer free. The good news is that my cancer was caught early, the bad news is that I don't qualify for scans. And blood tests would only reveal blood counts that may or may not be indications that something is wrong. I looked at her and said, "You are not giving me any warm fuzzies."

I can't see inside my body and I can't see what lies ahead nor can I see God. But I have faith. I've seen God at work, seen marriages restored, seen the sick healed, and I've seen youth come to the Lord. I believe, I have confidence, and assurance in the One who knows me, my story, and my body better than anyone.

My prayer for you, is as you walk through life that you would learn to dig deep. Get past your past; look in those dark spots and see where God was there and has been there all along. People remark about how strong and brave I've been. Well, I myself have had to dig deep, face things and make decisions. I've had some anxiety prior to surgery, but I've never been fearful because He is faithful!

I Wanna Hold Your Hand

"For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." Isaiah 41:13 NIV

As a child, you reach up and hold your parent's hand. Then you grow up and reach across to hold your spouse's hand. Next, you reach down to hold your own child's hand.

During this process, I have had so many people come alongside me and hold my hand. Usually not physically holding my hand, but definitely joining me in this journey. 

My brother who lives in California sent me a text one day, "I'm reaching out my hand to hold yours. I love you!" My best friend, also in California, has been texting me on a regular basis to check on me. She sends me treats and even stayed in the hospital with me! My best friend here in Washington has come with me to every four-hour chemo treatment. My husband has hugged me, held me, shaved my head, cooked, cleaned, and has just been so amazing!

The rest of my family has also been amazing. My mother-in-law has been my chauffeur for months, which has been great. The daily chats have been awesome. Our church family has prayed and been so supportive as well!

I see people that come for treatment by themselves, and may not have a support system or it may not be good support. I know that I have been blessed with a wonderful support system and that really helps. Above all, I have a faithful Father who takes hold of my right hand and says, "Do not fear; I will help you."

My prayer for you, is that as you go through life's ups and downs, that you would take the hand of the One who formed them. He's always there and He wants to walk through all of it with you. So amazing that if we ever feel alone we can know there is a strong Hand holding ours.