Side Effects May Include ...

"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."

Isaiah 53:5 NIV

I had an appointment yesterday that taught me all about chemo. Some of what I heard, I translate like this:

Side effects may include dry mouth, mouth sores, dry eyes, bloody urine or stool, nausea, diarrhea, constipation, lack of appetite and in rare cases, other cancers.

I sent this to my friend who is a chemo nurse supervisor and she replied, "Ha!!!  I know. But lucky for you, it does not include oily discharge."

This made me laugh! As I thought more about the possible side effects I am facing, my mind turned to Jesus. We are His "side effects." In fact, we caused His side to be pierced. Everything He went through, He did for us! Without us, He was the blameless, spotless Lamb Of God.

It's been a journey these past five weeks, but I know I can do anything when I hold on to Jesus!

My prayer for you is that as you go through life you would look to Jesus. You may not know why you are on your particular journey; and you may have been on your journey a long time without any answers. Know this:  If you can face your journey with a positive attitude, people will see Jesus through you and your struggle.

Bracelet From Molly

"Don’t let anyone think less of you because you are young. Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
1 Timothy 4:12 NLT

Molly is in the sixth grade and attends the same church that we do. She is sweet, has the face of an angel and a smile that can light the room. Molly's mom messaged me one day and said "Molly would like to know, what is your favorite color?" I told her that I really like blue, but under my new circumstances, I am trying to embrace pink. A few days passed and I got a picture message of a blue and pink embroidery bracelet and then a text that stated Molly made one for me, herself and her mom. Molly and her mom were using them as prayer bracelets, a reminder to pray for me! About three weeks after my surgery, Molly's mom gave me my bracelet. I wear it every day! It reminds me that someone is praying for me.

Abby is a two-year old born to our family friends. Together they pray for me every night. My friend sent me a video of little Abby praying for me.

It's wonderful (and a little overwhelming!) to have so many dear people praying for me. And as I go to prayer for my own situation as well as for the needs of my friends, sometimes I don't know what exactly to pray for or what to say. When that happens, this song comes to mind.

Artist: 7eventh Time Down
Song: "Just Say Jesus"

"When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're afraid to pray
Just say Jesus
Whisper it now or shout it out
However it comes out
He hears your cry
Out of nowhere He will come
You got to believe in it
He will rescue you
Just call out to the way
The truth, the life"

This is just a portion of the song, but rings so true. (Hear the song-official lyric video http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=84LSLk3hfD4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D84LSLk3hfD4.)

God knows what's on our hearts and minds before we even say it. When we verbalize those things, that's when we build relationship with Him. Prayer is powerful!

My prayer for you is that whether you are two or ninety-two, that you can take your joys, sorrows, requests and worries to Jesus. Remember, if you don't get the answer you think you are looking for or the answer you want, don't stop praying. Go back and see what God has for you in this season. God didn't take the cancer away from me, but He allowed me to walk through this journey and has held my hand the whole time.

I Didn't Lose Anything!

"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!" Romans 8:15-17 MSG

I've had people tell me that I need to grieve who I was prior to my diagnosis. 

I will never underestimate the fact that this might be an issue for some, but it doesn't ring true for me.

I have not changed. I was diagnosed with a disease. My faith has not wavered, I'm not mad at God. I still love to laugh, etc.  It was not a death sentence and even if so, I know God is faithful.

I've also had people tell me to grieve the loss of my breasts. Again, I mean no harm if this is something you've struggled with. But, this kind of made me laugh because I didn't lose them, leave them somewhere, or lock them in a car; they were surgically removed to save my life! 

When I started this whole process, it was with good belief that I would not need chemo or radiation, so finding out that I now am facing a twelve-week process with four doses of chemo was difficult. It took me a moment to figure out why it upset me so, and I figured out it was because I hadn't really faced the disease itself. I faced the surgery like someone may face a gallbladder or appendicitis procedure, I go in they remove the problem and-boom-done! Chemo made it real to me that I had a disease. The disease has been removed, but I need to follow through to make sure it's nowhere else in my body. 

What I'm about to lose is my hair! In preparation for this I cut eleven inches off and donated it. My hair will began falling out right around my 40th birthday and Thanksgiving, but hey I'm alive! I have an unbelievable inheritance in Christ and He's with me in good times and hard times.

My prayer is that whatever you are facing--the good, the bad or otherwise that you will look to Jesus. He sees. He cares. Don't blame God if you're facing adversity. Ask Him to hold your hand. Ask Him what He might want you to learn or who He wants you to minister to in the process. Don't feel sorry for yourself. Instead, dig deep and be confident of Whose you are!

Let It Rain!

“This is what God does. He gives his best—the sun to warm and the rain to nourish—to everyone, regardless: the good and bad, the nice and nasty." Matthew 5:45 MSG

Lately I've heard people saying that things shouldn't happen to them. Family members death, illness, hospitalization, financial hardship, etc. 

These are good people! Some serving The Lord others not so much, but still nice, good people. 

The verse above came to mind that it rains on the just and the unjust. The sun in the same way shines on all of us! 

I grew up going to Sunday school and my favorite teachers were the Bovee's! They are now both in heaven. I'm sure Mr. Bovee is singing the same song he used to sing at church! 

"His Eye Is on the Sparrow" 

by: Civilla D. Martin. 

I love the part in the song that says "I know he's watches me".

I'm struggling on this health journey. The cancer is gone, but my treatment is just about to begin. I didn't do or not do something to "deserve" this. I just want to serve and honor Jesus through this. 

Some people have said to me "your so strong"...my response is Jesus! 

My prayer for those reading this is that no matter what you are going through it's not a punishment, it's a journey. Embrace it along with the Father's hand and you (and me) will get through it! We may never know the "whys", but we need to trust The Lord!

It's Not About The Baked Potato

The Monday after my diagnosis I wasn't feeling well due to having anxiety over everything that had happened in the past week leading up to being diagnosed.

A baked potato sounded good and so we went to a fast food place that would satisfy my taste buds and let the family have other options. 

We go to order and I asked for a plain baked potato with sour cream and butter on the side and a diet drink. The young gentlemen behind the counter said they were out of potatoes. I proceeded to start walking backwards waiving my hand and stating "you NEVER have baked potatoes, this is stupid, and you should take it off your menu!"

I went and sat down and my poor husband who was still standing at the register in front of the guy I yelled at ask if I wanted anything so I ended up with a small fry and diet drink. My in-laws were joining us for dinner and my mother-in-law sat at the end of the table and stated well I guess I'm having a salad since they don't have baked potatoes! 

The food and the rest of the family arrived at the table and I started to cry. I was trying to hold it together and with one hand I'm eating my fries and the other I'm holding my bottom eyelids up to fight back the over flowing amount of tears. Our teenage children are speechless and my husband of twenty years held me and rubbed my shoulder and said "it's okay they don't have baked potatoes, and I know it's not about the baked potato."

Up until this point I had only briefly cried in the doctors office when told I had breast cancer. I used the original statement as a springboard to ask "what do I do next?" I hadn't stop to really process things just jumping through hoops to get to who and where I needed to go. 

Everyone processes things differently and sometimes during that process our emotions get caught up with us. It's okay!

In Colossians 3:15a AMP it states "And let the peace (soul harmony which comes) from Christ rule (act as umpire continually) in your hearts [deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds."