My Glass Is Half Empty

"I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13 NLT

If you say your glass is half empty you are considered a pessimist (someone who is more negative). If you say your glass is half full you are considered an optimist (someone who is more positive). Sometimes it doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full its has vinegar in it and well it stinks. Such is life. 

Overall I am a pretty positive person and have been even told I minimize things. I will look at a situation and know that its not good, but can also see that it could have been worse. When we minimize our pain, our suffering or whatever we are going through we minimize the work that Christ does in our lives.  

So I will say with great confidence that my glass is half empty. With this in mind The God of all hope can fill me completely! I am empty without his joy and peace in my life. I need to trust him with every detail not worrying how big or small it might be. Every detail in our life matters to the one that created us.

My prayer for you is that whether you find your glass half empty or half full that you would allow God to fill you all the way up!  You can trust him to be your hope, your joy, your peace and so much more! Don't minimize what you are going through it may just stink, but God can and will give you the hope you need to not only walk with you through the situation but to bring you out! 

Consistency

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever." Hebrews 13:8 NLT

They say that consistency is key...sometimes I think the only think I am consistent about is being inconsistent!

I have moved 15 times, been to 10 churches, had too many cars to count (so many that recently I decided I should lease that way I could change cars every two years). I've had numerous jobs and tried several home businesses. 

I have been consistent at my marriage to my husband of over 21 years and well I think that's it!

I was talking with a friend about this the other day and I felt like this was an area of weakness and that I needed to work harder at being consistent. I felt that The Lord wanted me to write about this and the above verse came to mind. Jesus is my constant. He has been there the whole time! Every move, every car, every church, every high and every low. I believe from my inconsistency God used that to propel me. I am not afraid of change, people, failure, etc. 

So going forward I will not worry about my inconsistencies, or idiosyncrasies I will remember the words in this song and the faithfulness of my God.

 

"If You can use anything Lord, You can use me

Take my hands Lord and my feet

Touch my heart Lord, speak through me

If You can use anything Lord, You can use me..." 

Use Me by: The Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir

My prayer for you is that whether you are consistent and don't like change, or change is your middle name that you would see the consistency of the one that spoke the world into existence and has been there for you all along. Jesus loves you and is crazy about you! He doesn't change and  he is waiting for you to ask him to be part of your life and your journey and allow him to walk with you through everything. I am thankful for His consistency these past eleven months and really my whole life! He is faithful!

I Look Back

"Generation after generation stands in awe of your work; each one tells stories of your mighty acts." Psalm 145:4 MSG

Wow, it has been a crazy, busy, scary, exhausting roller-coaster of ride these past eleven months. I am working on gaining strength and endurance, but do find that I get tired and have to manage how I am feeling so that I don't wear out to quickly.

I found a lump in my armpit the other day and contacted my doctor. I will admit I was a little freaked out about it. My oncologist sent me to my surgeon to have an ultrasound. It turns out that it was a hair follicle that is infected. Prior to getting in with the doctor I heard a song by: Elevation Worship; "I Will Look Up" the lyrics struck a chord. (http://youtu.be/tEQnoE7SnZw)

"All the worries of this world, I will lay them at your feet

Surrender every anxious thought, For perfect peace...

Oh the loved ones I hold dear, All my hopes and dreams and all my fears

I will choose to trust your name, In everything...

I will look up for there is none above you, I will bow down to tell you that I need you

Jesus, Lord of all...

I will take you at your word, Jesus you have taken hold of me

All my life is in your hands, You're my strength...

I will look back and see that you are faithful, I look ahead believing you are able

Jesus, Lord of all...

Prince of Peace, Perfect Healer

All my life, all my cares on you

King of Kings, Mighty Savior

All my life, all my cares on you...

Prince of Peace

Perfect Healer

All my life, all my cares on you

King of Kings

Mighty Savior

All my life, all my cares on you..."

As I went to the doctor I had so many thoughts and feelings going on. I was hoping and praying it wouldn't be cancer. I thought about having to do chemo and lose my hair again and how exhausting the whole process would be again. So I chose to look back and recount the faithfulness of God. I also thought about the future and knew that no matter what the outcome that he would be faithful. He cares for me! I will tell the stories of his mighty, faithful acts! 

My prayer for you that as you journey through life and whatever struggles you may have that when at the lowest point or highest peak you would be able to pause for a moment to reflect on the faithfulness of God and realize that He will see you through the next thing you face. I have learned to trust God and I laugh at the hard stuff because I know He will see me through! He will see you through too!

Strong Enough?

"He gives power to the faint and weary, and to him who has no might He increases strength" Isaiah 40:29 AMP

"My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness." 

2 Corinthians 12:9 MSG

I feel that I have been pretty transparent about what I have been going through, how I feel and such. I have been feeling pretty good and well on the road to recovery. 

My hair is long enough that I just got a trim with scissors instead of electric clippers! I am able to have my nails done and I am feeling a little more "normal".

About four weeks ago I started getting headaches. They asked a ton of questions and I even had an MRI. One of the nurses where I worked asked me if I was stressed out. I said I didn't think so. She said that I have been through a lot these past eight months and have been so strong that my body could be trying to catch up. I started to think about this. I spoke to my nurse practitioner and she said that certain personality types get their diagnosis and just start down the path and don't look back or think twice, but then when it's all said and done it hits them like a brick. I think I've been hit by a brick! Two thousand thirteen was a year of great highs and great lows. From my dad passing away and my battle with cancer to celebrating twenty years with the best husband and traveling to South Africa. There were a lot of other things that were packed into last year as well. 

I have been through a lot, but not as much as some. When I feel down I tell myself it could be worse, or that there are others in the midst of the battle. I have tried to maintain my personality, work ethic, my faith, and my family as if everything is okay and that it's all good. Well guess what? It's not all good. Life is hard and I am sick of people telling me my hair is cute when it's not a style choice for me, it's in the cards I was dealt. Even though I haven't had to go through what others have gone through I did go through a lot and I'm tired. I hate having to take a nap just so I can go out or get dinner ready or whatever. I get frustrated that my stamina is low, that I get fatigued and that no matter what I try I can't lose weight. My kids have said that I am the strongest person they know and I don't want them to think any different. The fact of the matter is that I'm not strong. Even though I have my faith, my family and such I am not strong enough to carry this burden alone. 

This song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West really describes how I feel.

You must

You must think I'm strong

To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me

Forgive me if I'm wrong

But this looks like more than I can do

On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be

everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

For the both of us

Well, maybe

Maybe that's the point

To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally

Finally at rock bottom

Well, that's when I start looking up

And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be

Everything that I'm supposed to be

I give up

I'm not stong enough

Hands of mercy won't you cover me

Lord right now I'm asking you to be

Strong enough

Strong enough

Cause I'm broken

Down to nothing

But I'm still holding on to the one thing

You are God

and you are strong

When I am weak

I can do all things

Through Christ who gives me strength

And I don't have to be

Strong enough

Strong enough...

My prayer for you is that no matter what you are going through that you will realize that you don't have to do it alone and that you don't have to be strong the whole time. God is the strength of our life and our portion. We won't see his strength in being strong, but in our weakness. Find someone you can talk to! I am thankful for my best friend Edie for allowing me to be vulnerable and seeing me through in my highest and lowest points. She prays for me, checks on me and cares about my physical and emotional well being!

Forty!

"For forty years I led you..." 

Deuteronomy 29:5a NLT

During my cancer journey I had my big fortieth birthday. I know quite a few people that have had a hard time with this particular birthday. My father-in-law was diagnosed with diabetes around his fortieth. I know others that have had their marriages end, endured a mid-life crisis, or faced other major, life-changing events.

Honestly, I wasn't approaching the big 4-0 with much enthusiasm anyway, and then I got cancer and had to have chemo right before my birthday. Really?! So then, to top it all off, I was bald on my birthday! It could only get better, right? 

Now, five months later, I find myself thinking, "I just want to get my life back. I want to look and feel good." But it's not that simple. It's hard to accept that everything has changed.

Then, I started thinking about Jesus and His journey. I realized that He never got his life back. When He stepped out of heaven to join us on earth, His life changed forever. Once here, He gave it all. He never even celebrated his fortieth birthday. But His sacrifice and resurrection brought about a new normal that was all about new life. When He stepped out of the tomb, things again changed forever ... forever for the better. He made a way for all those He loved to spend eternity with Him. He completed His journey of identifying with us in all our pain and sorrow, so that we could know He truly understands what we are going through and He knows how to triumph over it. "In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world," John 16:33b.

Surgery. Chemo. These things are their own death and resurrection. Through a process of death, new life comes to my body. They have brought me into a new normal, but it can be a "forever better" normal. If we come through any trial walking hand-in-hand with Jesus, He will bring us out the other side into new life. That's what He does!

As we approach Easter, I want to remember that this life is not my own, just as Jesus' life was not His own, but He gave His life for the salvation of many. He has led me this far and He died so that I could live! By His stripes, I am healed.
This is all good news!

My prayer for you, is that you would pause for a moment--in the midst of whatever you are going through--and realize what Jesus went through so that you don't have to do this life alone. He loves you so very much.

He is with us! Happy Easter. Happy Resurrection Day!

By: Beki Beane

And Erica Faraone

Redeemed? Say So!

"Let the redeemed of the Lord say so," Psalm 107:2a ESV 

I also like this translation ... 

"Has the Lord redeemed you? Then speak out!" Psalms 107:2a NLT

The dictionary defines redeemed as follows:
"to buy or pay off, to recover, to exchange, to convert, to discharge or fulfill,
to make up for; make amends for; offset, to obtain the release or restoration of, as from captivity, to deliver from sin and its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner."

On some coupons the verbiage reads "redemption code". I have been pondering these words and have come to the conclusion that I am not the coupon, but Christ is the coupon. Jesus gave His life (the coupon) in order to purchase us from sin. The coupon has a redemption code (the blood of Jesus) and it's not a discount coupon. It's a "no exclusions", "paid in full" coupon! When Jesus died on the cross, it was for you and me. His blood was the atonement ("satisfaction for any wrong doing") for sin.

I had the privilege of talking to a cancer patient who is also a believer. Her fight with cancer started with breast cancer, two separate times, then a bout with spots on her liver and now some in her head. She is so positive and believes that God will heal her. But I left that conversation a little shaken. I told my friend that the lady was so positive and inspiring, but made me think about my health and wonder where I will be in a year or two past my battle with breast cancer. My friend told me that I shouldn't think like that. Honestly, I had a hard time with the whole thing. I am human, so how can I not think about the possibility of cancer returning? Or how life will turn out or ... whatever else? That's when the word "redeemed" kept coming to mind.

I don't need to worry about tomorrow, or next year or cancer or finances or anything else. I have a life saving coupon! Because of Christ, I am redeemed and I need to "speak out", and "say so"! We all have troubles in this life, but we need to focus on Jesus and not our problems. Some of our problems may not ever be resolved this side of heaven, but how can we lead others to Christ if we're moping around about our troubles?

My prayer for you, is that no matter what you are facing that you would allow Christ to redeem you. Let Him have all of you. He has already done the hard work. I'm thankful that Jesus paid it all. I am thankful for the life He has given me and I pray that you can find contentment with what you're facing and be a light to others. If you allow God to shine through your troubles (burdens,) you will find that they are easier to  carry. Perhaps because you are not actually carrying them at all.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Iced or Hot?

“I know you inside and out, and find little to my liking. You’re not cold, you’re not hot—far better to be either cold or hot! You’re stale. You’re stagnant. You make me want to vomit. You brag, ‘I’m rich, I’ve got it made, I need nothing from anyone,’ oblivious that in fact you’re a pitiful, blind beggar, threadbare and homeless." Revelation 3:15-17 MSG

I like to get coffee at a drive-thru coffee stand. We know most of the workers by name. I usually get a sugar-free white chocolate Americano.  What changes is the temperature. I like to get them iced, hot and blended (like a shake.)
What I don't like is if it's supposed to be iced and it's not quite cold enough. Then you have to find ice to make it colder. I also don't like if it's a hot drink and by the time you get home it's warm. Yuck! I will put in the microwave for a few minutes to get it hot again.

Well, when it comes to things of the Lord, I want to be HOT! I want to be part of things that are moving, shaking and doing great things for the cause of Christ. After everything I have gone through, good, bad or indifferent, I owe this life to Him. I don't want to sit around and do the same things with the same people and not show others to the feet of Jesus.

If you are cold or not serving the Lord, you can stay the same and that is your choice. At least by being cold, you have made a decision to not pursue the things of God. Of course, that decision comes with other consequences, but that would be a topic for a different post.

If you are lukewarm, that is not a good place to be. This can look like a lot of things. Perhaps you know right from wrong, you have seen the goodness of God, but you are not really walking according to His principles. Lukewarm is an easy state to slip into and I get that. The joke was funny, so we laugh, even though it was wrong. The movie was hilarious. Inappropriate, but hilarious. Being lukewarm starts with compromise. The after awhile, you just end up hanging out there because its easy. You don't want to discount God or be cold, but you don't want to actively be hot either because it takes work. The Bible says that this is this is pitiful.

My prayer for you is that wherever you are in life, hot, cold or lukewarm, that you would make a solid decision. My desire and God's as well, is for you to be HOT! Be in the Word, get in a church that is moving forward and surround yourself with people that are in the Word, moving forward and HOT as well.

One Million Dollars

“What’s the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right?...You’re worth more than a million canaries." 

Matthew 10:29a & 31b MSG

Not quite one million dollars, but by the time I am all done, the cost of all my treatments, surgery, doctors appointments, and medications will reach around a half million dollars! This is a lot of money and I am so thankful that we have good insurance. This floors me. I would never spend that kind of money on myself. When I shop, I buy for everyone else first. The two things I like to do for myself is getting my nails and my hair done. As of now, I can't do either! My nails are in the process of falling off because of chemo, and my hair is only about a half inch long. Basically, I am a cheap date right now!

To buy a canary at a local pet store would be about $140.00. Now I don't consider that loose change, but in comparison to other things we might spend money on, that's not a lot of money. God says we are worth MORE than a million canaries (that's $140,000,000.00)!

We are worth far more than we can imagine. He loves us and wants the very best for us. We need to value ourselves and see ourselves as God sees us.

My prayer for you is that no matter what you have thought about yourself or what people may have thought of you or even called you, that you would begin to see yourself as God sees you! You are worth far more than you can imagine!

Order Number 5!

"The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord, And He delights in his way." Psalms 37:23 NKJV

Do you ever feel you are stuck in the great long line of life, waiting for your number to be called? Do you ever feel like you are just one of a million puzzle pieces in the hand of God, waiting for your piece to be put down to actually make something? Do you ever wonder if you have messed up the chance to be used by God? Maybe you have moved your own puzzle piece into the spilled coffee and now you have a soggy corner. Now what?

“I am God, your God, who teaches you how to live right and well. I show you what to do, where to go." Isaiah 48:17 MSG

If we can learn anything from the Bible, we should learn from the Israelites, God's chosen people. At times they were a bunch of knuckleheads just doing their own thing. When they actually listened to the Lord, He always came through and directed them where they should go. At times, they seemed like a bunch of numbers! Thousands of them wandering for 40 days and nights, but God did have a plan for them! From their lineage the Messiah would come. From their mistakes we would see God's grace and continued favor.

During these past few months, I have felt like a number. "Please be seated." I was then called by my legal name. "Have a seat in room 2", "Chair 8", etc. This is a soggy puzzle piece that I would like to exchange for the important corner piece. When I think of everything I have been through and I honestly assess my life and the last seven months, I can say I have seen the goodness of the Lord. My steps are ordered. Even though this cancer experience felt like a soggy puzzle piece, I can still be used by the Lord to complete His plan. Without all the pieces, the puzzle is not whole. He needs me to do what He set out for me to do, and He needs you too!

My prayer for you is that however you feel about your piece of the puzzle, you realize you are a part of God's master plan. If you are living in sin (of any kind,) stop it! God's desire is for you to live right! Why? When we follow the steps He has ordered for us, we have peace and contentment. We may run across things that don't seem fair or look bleak, but when we come out the other side of it, we see God was by our side the whole time. Then we can point others to Him and see that our piece has a purpose.

Hello My Name Is...

"Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me."
John 15:15b NLT

“Abraham believed God and was set right with God,” includes his action. It’s that mesh of believing and acting that got Abraham named “God’s friend.” James 2:23b MSG

What is your name? That's easy to answer. But then, what are names you wear in life? What are the names you call yourself or that others have called you? Do any of these sound familiar?

Defeated, divorced, molested...
Angry, alone, addicted...
Ugly, obese, anorexic...
Cancer survivor, arthritis patient, learning disabled...

Let's rethink this. Here is what the Bible says.

Redeemed, set free, victorious...
Child of God, Friend of Jesus, Beloved of God...
Justified, righteous, blameless...
Accepted, empowered, a new creation...

And so much more!

I don't want to be known as a cancer patient or survivor without being known as God's child. Cancer is just a small portion of my life. I am a daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend.

We need to recall the words the Bible states about us and also speak those things over the people around us.

I like how this song by Michael West puts it:

"...Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget

Hello, my name is Defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief

Oh, these are the voices. Oh, these are the lies
And I have believed them for the very last time

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King...

I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life

Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I've been saved, I've been changed, I have been set free
"Amazing Grace" is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King...

What love the Father has lavished upon us that we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King..."

Matthew West

c2013 Sparrow Records

You can watch the video here: http://is.gd/UCucqH

My prayer for you is that you would not allow yourself to be labeled by whatever negative experiences you have been through, or by anything you have done that you regret. Don't use any of those things as your name.  The name your parents gave you is what you should go by and then back it with the scriptures and what God says about you. For example, the verses I listed at the beginning of this post talk about how we are a friend of God. Just thinking about the fact that the God of the Universe eecalls you His friend and wants to have an intimate friendship with you will change how you view yourself! Start to speak the truth of who you are in Christ into your life. You can use what you have been through for His glory!

By: Beki Beane and Erica Faraone

Bear It All

"Bear (endure, carry) one another's burdens..." Galatians 6:2a AMP

"Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down." Romans 12:15 MSG

I am a better laugh than cry kind of girl. I have shed a few tears through this process. I have laughed a ton. There is nothing funny about cancer, but I have found humor along the way!

I have met a few people that are fighting cancer and are on a journey of their own with chemo regimens and surgeries. Chemo is different for everyone. There are different treatments for different types of cancers. How people tolerate their treatment is very different as well. Oh, and not everyone loses their hair!

I met a gal and we hit it off right away. We exchanged numbers and we are staying in contact. She is just beginning her chemo journey. She texted me last week and told me that she was cutting her hair short in preparation for it falling out. I felt like crying. It brought back the day I had my hair cut. I knew I would lose my hair and I thought it would be fine. It wasn't fine. It was hard. My hairdresser gifted me my hair cut and she cried and I held back the tears. One day my hair was shedding so bad, I called my husband and had him pick me up from work to shave my head. I thought I was prepared, but as he shaved my head I cried. It made the journey more real and I knew that now everyone would know. I sent my closest friends and family a picture so they would be prepared.

I now know what it feels like to actually want to take, carry, and endure another's burden. I don't want anyone to have to go through any of what I've had to go through. I want to be there for others in any way I am able. To laugh or cry with my friends.

My prayer for you, is that as you go through life's journeys that you would be mindful of others that are struggling as well. God wants us to bear each other's burdens as He carried, and daily carries, ours. God created us to do life together and be there for one another.

"Blessed be the Lord, who bears our burdens and carries us day by day, even the God who is our salvation!" Psalm 68:19 AMP

Amen!

When The Music Fades

"Sing to God, sing praises to his name; lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts; his name is the Lord; exult before him!" Psalm 68:4 ESV

At first it was overwhelming. The sheer volume. There were so many calls, texts, online messages and cards that came in almost daily. It was truly a blessing that so many people cared.

I know the outpouring was genuine, but it has subsided quite a bit. Now I mainly hear from people I see and then the few people that have been there all along that still check on me.

When the music fades or when things in life seem to quiet down with whatever you are going through, what do you do?

Well, with everything that I have been through in the past six months, I am going to choose to sing! Maybe not literally, but I will make His name known!

He is the one that rode with me through the desert! I want to be a light to those around me. I want others that are battling cancer, or having chemo to know there is hope. I want those that have an illness, are going through a divorce, or just can't shake feeling that the glass is half-empty to know that even if there aren't people in your life cheering you on, sending you cards, or checking up on you, the One that created you cares for you and loves you!

My prayer for you is that as the music fades you would "lift up a song to him who rides through the deserts" with you. He has been there all along so sing praise! Begin to focus on someone or something else. Ask God to put someone in your path that needs encouragement or help through her desert.

Oh Where Is My Hairbrush?!

"Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we’re in." Hebrews 12:2a MSG

I finished chemo today -- yes! The next step is one final surgery and I'm done!

My hair will begin to grow ... Although there's been a couple times that having no hair made me laugh. Like the other day when my co-worker offered to take care of some boxes of past years' data to "get them out of my hair." (But I have no hair--ha, ha! I think these things are funny.) Then, my daughter asked me if I had a brush in my purse... now why would I have that right now? More inside laughter! I find myself singing the Veggie Tales song, "Oh Where is My Hairbrush?"

But it will be nice for the process of restoration to begin. My hair will grow back, my scars will start to heal and the toxins will slowly leave my body.

I've had a few people ask, "What's next?" regarding scans, blood work, etc. I'm in a different place than some who have been on this journey. Because the cancer was caught early, because both were small tumors, and also because the cancer found in one of four lymph nodes was minuscule, I will not be eligible for scans. They will check my blood work on occasion, but there is no lab work for cancer. The blood draws will be mainly to check my other levels which may have been affected by chemo.

After my next and last surgery, my plan is to get fit and healthy so that I can run a 5k with a friend and also do the survivor walk for the cancer relay this year!

I was so excited to have my last chemo, but part of me wonders how well it worked, and I hope and pray that this preventative action of chemo treatments killed any and all bad cells that may have been wandering around my body. 

But I know that...

"My hope is in the name of the Lord
Where my help comes from
You're my strength, my song
My trust is in the name of the Lord
I will sing Your praise, You are faithful"

"My Hope" by Hillsong

So this is what I have ... a BIG God! Plus, faith, hope and freedom in the fact that I know He is right beside me, holding my hand during this journey and the ones to come! In faith, I believe that there is no cancer in my body and I will leave it at that. I will follow through with my treatment plan and doctors appointments and go from there.

My prayer for you as you go from one journey to another, is that you would run your race with your eyes on Jesus and that your heart and mind would be filled with hope! He will give you the strength you need for whatever journey you are facing. He is faithful!